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Sunday
Mar212010

Up In Despair

DateSunday, March 21, 2010 at 05:56AM

Traveling is such a joy these days. Every time I think I've cracked the system I am thwarted by some unexpected new security feature designed to make all our lives safer but somehow more miserable. I have honed my hand baggage down to the barest minimum. I've tried every possible combination and wasted ridiculous amounts of cash in sheer desperation at airport luggage shops, but now, finally I am the proud owner of a super dooper Samsonite 1910 Rollalong. You know the type - Where your laptop slides into a special compartment through a zipper at the top. There is ample room for my wallet, mobile phone, book and other essentials so I am now one of the only people in the security line who actually has just ONE piece of hand luggage. Of course that only makes me more irritated with the people in front of me who have not bothered to streamline their traveling paraphernalia. I mean HOW SELFISH!!! It's incredible how many people still can't count to three. One piece of hand baggage and one personal item = two items. Not three not five, TWO. Yes Madam your backpack does count and so does that huge plastic bag of duty free chocolates. 

Two weeks ago I was traveling to Europe and I had the misfortune to be in line behind a woman wearing those combat style pants with at least thirteen different pockets. She had objects that needed to be removed from EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. I am not a patient person at the best of times but luckily for her I avoid confrontation at all costs (the good old British stiff upper lip) but the anger levels of the passengers behind me were alarming to say the least. I began to wonder if the woman was an airport security plant designed to flush out people prone to air rage and carrying weapons. 

Next I had to suffer the humiliation of 'The Pat Down'  and the realization that as the TSA woman's hands froze at my midriff she was trying to work out if that bulge was ten pounds of explosives or ten pounds of fat. Then as we made eye contact her sympathetic nod as she acknowledged it was the latter. Fortunately she was a bit porky herself so I did not feel judged.

As my trip was for work I was traveling business class which (once you have cleared security) makes the whole thing somewhat bearable until a higher power decides to screw things up with the weather conditions. FYI Atlanta is not a good hub when its snowing. First sign of a flurry and the whole place disintegrates into chaos. Canceled flights, full hotels, lines of disgruntled people (struggling with far too much hand baggage) and crabby airline personnel trying to deal with it all. I couldn't face 24 hours of this and I had a mother waiting to spend a reunion weekend with me in Madrid (that's what happens when you try to mix business with pleasure) so I fought my way onto the first flight out - KLM to Amsterdam. 

An hour later, reclined in my lovely spacious seat smugly sipping KLM's excellent champagne I was forced to reconsider the wisdom of my choice when the Captain announced we were in a four hour holding pattern for wing de-icing. 

WING DE-ICING!!! OMG should we even be taking off in these adverse conditions? Are the Dutch the only ones brave (stupid) enough to try? Despite my abject terror I must have drifted off because I awoke some hours later from terrible nightmares about crashing planes (a regular feature of my air travel experiences) to discover us airborne and safe. 

Fast forward another sixteen hours of cubicle toilets, missed connections, airport food and overpriced internet and I arrived at destination Freezing Cold Madrid to discover my luggage was still in Atlanta. It was at this point I realized that the Samsonite 1910 Rollalong did not contain a change of clothing. 

And that my friends is why, in a sea of depressing black, brown and grey with my mental faculties somewhat impaired, I became the proud owner of this stunning yellow coat!

AuthorDishy | Comment2 Comments |

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